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A Thing Called Hope

May 10, 2017Wholehearted

Some people call it coincidence or karma.

But it’s uncanny how God answers me in song…  Worship is in the fiber of my being.  My bones resonate with the harmonies of half-sung songs, lifted up in the darkest times and shouted from the mountaintops.  

And lately, it’s been no different…  my story in song… again.

Broken and Worn

Over and over David cries out. He is exhausted and tired and afraid and angry. Oh David, how I resonate with your tears.  Lately it’s been a battle of swirling pieces and frazzled ends, worn and tangled.  

Not sadness.

Anger.

Frustration.

Exhaustion.

How can I hold it together? Be the rock that others need me to be? To keep the balls in the air without dropping one of them?  How do I keep going?  How do I surrender the need to control the world that feels out of control and spinning in the midst of a hurricane?

Hold it all together

Everybody needs you strong

But life hits you out of nowhere

And barely leaves you holding on

And when you’re tired of fighting

Chained by your control

There’s freedom in surrender

Lay it down and let it go

So when you’re on your knees and answers seem so far away

You’re not alone, stop holding on and just be held

Your world’s not falling apart, it’s falling into place

I’m on the throne, stop holding on and just be held

Just be held, just be held

(“Just Be Held” by Casting Crowns)

Look Up

I know in my heart and my head that I need to look up, to worship in the midst of the pain and confusion.  And on the mountaintops it’s so easy to say that I will.  

But then I get to the valley’s floor, and it’s cold and dark and I can’t see the path ahead.  It’s not so easy then.  All the exhortations and pretty words of “comfort” don’t mean much.  Because I know those words. I’ve spoken them.  

But I’m too heartbroken to lift my eyes. I don’t even know if I can lift my hands.

I know I need

To lift my eyes up

But I’m too weak

Life just won’t let up

And I know that You can give me rest

So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That you can mend a heart that’s frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that’s dead inside can be reborn

Cause I’m worn.

(“Worn” by Tenth Avenue North)

And Yet

Yet, He is Adonai.  He doesn’t turn away in disgust at my weakness. He sees my crumpled mess puddled on the floor. He feels the tears that drown my heart.

Somehow I still know this.  And I choose to believe it’s true.  Because it can’t be coincidence that the song speaks my name. That He sings over me ever so softly.  Gently wrapping me in his melody.

I know the night won’t last

Your Word will come to pass

My heart will sing Your praise again

Jesus, You’re still enough

Keep me within Your love

My heart will sing Your praise again

Your promise still stands

Great is Your faithfulness, faithfulness

I’m still in Your hands

This is my confidence, You never failed

(“Do It Again” – Elevation Worship)

Sweet Song

A voice calling in the wildness of my barren places. A glimmering sapphire shimmer of hope flashes in the darkness.  The smoldering ruby of passion pulses.  A rhythm swells and rises.

And with it, I find the strength to look up.  The sweet song surrounding me, lifting me.

Soothing the edges.

Just a little.  Just enough.

The valley and darkness is still there. The hurricane still rages.  But there is a center of quietness where I catch my breath.

And He is there in each breath I take.  I don’t feel it.  I don’t see it.

Yet.  I know.

I am the Lord your God,

I go before you now

I stand beside you

I’m all around you

And though you feel I’m far away

I’m closer than your breath

I am with you

More than you know

Come to me, I’m all you need

Come to me, I’m everything

Come to me, I’m all you need

Come to me, I’m your everything

(“Come to Me” by Bethel Worship)

There is always hope.  As long as you breath, one more time.

He is hope.

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